Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chemo Vs. Hair: Chemo Wins...Chemo Vs. Me: I WIN.

Look at this lady:
Losing her hair and loving it?
Is she for real?  First of all, she has her purse.  Is she going to the store?  Should someone tell her you shouldn't be staring people down like that no matter how pretty you are?  What a weirdo (no offense).  I mean, I get it.  She's confident, she's losing her hair and loving it.  I guess I wish I could feel that way about it, but I don't.  Maybe that's better for Michael.  Maybe if I felt that way I'd go around starting fights in supermarkets because I'd be aggressively staring people down and making children cry.

My hair started falling out about a month ago.  It is all kinds of gross.  At first it wasn't much, but enough to know it wasn't my normal shedding.  Then one day I took a shower and handfuls and handfuls just came out in my hands as I rinsed out the shampoo and then the conditioner.  Then I brushed my hair when I got out and a good months worth of hair was in the brush.  As my hair dried, you couldn't tell.  You couldn't tell I'd just washed a baby wig's worth of hair out of my head.  I could have saved it and knit it into a wig and sold in on Etsy.
Too far.
 Do you remember when Suzanne Sugarbaker got the wig for Charlene's Baby?  You don't?  That's why you feel that emptiness inside that you can't ignore.  Do yourself a favor and watch Designing Women reruns:
The Fabulous Delta Burke as Suzanne Sugarbaker
Anyhoo, my hair is coming out all over the place, but I still look like I have hair.  Kind of.  My follicles are like clown cars.  If anyone else lost the amount of hair I have they'd be bald two times over.  Instead I'm very thin on top with long hair hanging down.  I should have gotten a preemptive haircut but it seemed wasteful to spend money on something that would just fall out.  That's how I feel washing my hair.  I'm just washing and conditioning garbage.  Shiny, silky garbage.  I've gotten to the point where there are 1/2 inch wide bald spots when I pull it back, but if I leave it down I leave a trail of hair everywhere I go and sometimes I look down at my shirt and I'm covered in hair.  Besides, honestly, if I leave it down I look like Vigo from Ghostbusters 2:

Killing it on the late '80s references.
I don't want to look like Vigo.  Actually Vigo has more hair than I do, so I wear a headscarf, which feels pretty conspicuous, but I have too much hair for a wig to sit properly.  Fun conundrum.  Today is my last Chemo...YAY!!!, but this one will likely force my hand in the hair department.  Of course, I've been saying that for the last month.  Seriously, clown car follicles.  I cannot stress enough the startling quantity of my own hair I have washed and thrown away.  Yuck.

Ok, enough gross.  You're probably like shut up about the 80's and hair loss and show us the baby!  Ok!

Photoshoot Fail
Luckily she's a cutey.
Look at that chubby girl!  She's 12 weeks today and over 9 pounds!  She beat Chemo too!  Today I get my last Chemo and then I get to start getting back to the new normal.  Just a few weeks of feeling cancerish left, and then you can start expecting cogent thoughts from me and I can clean bathrooms and drive places!  To recap:

Chemo Vs. Hair:  Chemo Wins

Chemo Vs. Cancer:  Chemo Wins

Chemo Vs. Me:


I WIN!!!!






32 comments:

  1. You. look. AWESOME! We always knew this win was coming but I am so happy it is here!!

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  2. That's a pretty confident expression! Not ballsy but good!

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  3. Wow, you look great! I can relate as my hair started to fall out I decided to just shave it off. I had to everywhere I went people were covered with my hair. :) So glad that you are WINNING!!

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    1. Liz I get my courage up to buzz it and then back down. We'll see what the next couple weeks hold. I'm definitely sick of leaving tumbleweeds everywhere!

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  4. How are you still radiant after all of this? I will never complain about postpartum hair loss again. Ok, probably I will because I'm selfish like that, but you can just blog-smack me when I do.

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    1. Ditto that. Just smack me when I complain about how thin my hair is after having Luke. I do think you should make the look a bit more menacing. Like, I DARE you to ask me about cancer. Also, you rocked the late 80's references and I am proud of you for that.

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    2. Dear sweet ladies, I will not smack either of you. Hair loss is hair loss, no matter what caused it! Colleen, any radiance you detect can be attributed to Bare Minerals and having my hubby nearby. Seriously, RUN don't walk to get some bare minerals all Moms everywhere. xoxo

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  5. Wish I looked that sexy without hair! I always told people the best part about hair loss was not having to shave for months...which is HUGE for us Italians! Then it grew back in Shirley temple curly. So beware the new hair! So excited your doing so well. Now you can enjoy more cuddle time with your lil cutie. I pray you have a swift recovery.

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    1. Things are definitely going to get more interesting before they get better...I bet you were adorable without hair! Thanks for the prayers!

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  6. Love the new header and the "fierce yet approachable" scarf picture. Definitely the way to go.

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    1. Thank you! I felt like I launched a space shuttle getting that header to work.

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  7. You look awesome- Nella! U rock the headscarf! and how cute is Avery? She has Claire cheeks-well kind of....can't wait to squeeze em'!!

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  8. You look so beautiful in that last picture...and your daughter is adorable! Prayers for your continued healing!

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  9. Hi,
    Just by coincidence I was watching a show the show Mirror/Mirror on the Livewell Network that did a segment on the host, Rebecca Spera's, mom who was undergoing chemotherapy, and they talked about a non-profit organization that provides free professional wigs to woman who have lost their hair due to chemotherapy. It was founded by a guy named Martino Cartier, and is called Friends Are By Your Side," a non-profit organization that grants women and children wigs and wishes." Their web site is friendsarebyyourside.com.
    Also, look at the Mirror/Mirror show at http://livewellnetwork.com/Mirror-Mirror/episodes/Get-Well-Gorgeous/9121557?pid=9121596 for more mention of other resources.
    It was really great to see Rebecca's mom get a very good wig that was human hair wig that was fit and cut for her. Please check this out. You deserve it! Anyway, you look great in a scarf! Bonnie

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  10. Congratulations, you really do look amazing. And that baby..........:)

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  11. You and that chubby beautiful baby girl are both beautiful!

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    1. P.S. I LOVED all the 80's references. Every. single. one.

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  12. This post is the best! I love it and you look great :)

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  13. Thanks for the update, Nella. You look great, I'm not just saying that, you do....very pretty :) And yay for your baby!!

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  14. You do look radiant! and it's not just the Bare Minerals ; )

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  15. You look beautiful and radiant, and your sweet baby is adorable. Just shave the rest of it off and be done with it - you're rocking that scarf look!

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  16. Love the baby, the scarf, and the 80's references!

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  17. Seriously so inspiring! I am in awe!!

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  18. By the way, if you have a facebook, please friend me! I'm in a facebook group of faithful catholic women (most of them bloggers) and we pray for each other and chat and we'd love to include you.

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  19. I just found you through "Sayin' I Love You," and I am so inspired! Thank you for sharing your journey and your amazing perspective. God bless you, and I rejoice in your remission!

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  20. Are you continuing this blog? Because you have no idea how much it was just what I needed right. I am not pregnant, but I have been fighting cancer all year, and we are hitting the need-radiation stage, and it feels very alone. I am glad you and Avery are doing well, and I hope you continue to do well! Thank you for sharing these struggles.

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