Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chemo Vs. Hair: Chemo Wins...Chemo Vs. Me: I WIN.

Look at this lady:
Losing her hair and loving it?
Is she for real?  First of all, she has her purse.  Is she going to the store?  Should someone tell her you shouldn't be staring people down like that no matter how pretty you are?  What a weirdo (no offense).  I mean, I get it.  She's confident, she's losing her hair and loving it.  I guess I wish I could feel that way about it, but I don't.  Maybe that's better for Michael.  Maybe if I felt that way I'd go around starting fights in supermarkets because I'd be aggressively staring people down and making children cry.

My hair started falling out about a month ago.  It is all kinds of gross.  At first it wasn't much, but enough to know it wasn't my normal shedding.  Then one day I took a shower and handfuls and handfuls just came out in my hands as I rinsed out the shampoo and then the conditioner.  Then I brushed my hair when I got out and a good months worth of hair was in the brush.  As my hair dried, you couldn't tell.  You couldn't tell I'd just washed a baby wig's worth of hair out of my head.  I could have saved it and knit it into a wig and sold in on Etsy.
Too far.
 Do you remember when Suzanne Sugarbaker got the wig for Charlene's Baby?  You don't?  That's why you feel that emptiness inside that you can't ignore.  Do yourself a favor and watch Designing Women reruns:
The Fabulous Delta Burke as Suzanne Sugarbaker
Anyhoo, my hair is coming out all over the place, but I still look like I have hair.  Kind of.  My follicles are like clown cars.  If anyone else lost the amount of hair I have they'd be bald two times over.  Instead I'm very thin on top with long hair hanging down.  I should have gotten a preemptive haircut but it seemed wasteful to spend money on something that would just fall out.  That's how I feel washing my hair.  I'm just washing and conditioning garbage.  Shiny, silky garbage.  I've gotten to the point where there are 1/2 inch wide bald spots when I pull it back, but if I leave it down I leave a trail of hair everywhere I go and sometimes I look down at my shirt and I'm covered in hair.  Besides, honestly, if I leave it down I look like Vigo from Ghostbusters 2:

Killing it on the late '80s references.
I don't want to look like Vigo.  Actually Vigo has more hair than I do, so I wear a headscarf, which feels pretty conspicuous, but I have too much hair for a wig to sit properly.  Fun conundrum.  Today is my last Chemo...YAY!!!, but this one will likely force my hand in the hair department.  Of course, I've been saying that for the last month.  Seriously, clown car follicles.  I cannot stress enough the startling quantity of my own hair I have washed and thrown away.  Yuck.

Ok, enough gross.  You're probably like shut up about the 80's and hair loss and show us the baby!  Ok!

Photoshoot Fail
Luckily she's a cutey.
Look at that chubby girl!  She's 12 weeks today and over 9 pounds!  She beat Chemo too!  Today I get my last Chemo and then I get to start getting back to the new normal.  Just a few weeks of feeling cancerish left, and then you can start expecting cogent thoughts from me and I can clean bathrooms and drive places!  To recap:

Chemo Vs. Hair:  Chemo Wins

Chemo Vs. Cancer:  Chemo Wins

Chemo Vs. Me:

I WIN!!!!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

You. GUYS!!!!!

I'm getting Chemo today.  My hair is falling out.  But I don't care because today we found out my scans were clear.  Which means...


I have one more treatment in two weeks and some scans and blah blah healthcare blah but I'm almost done.  I'm almost done.  I'M ALMOST DONE!!!!!

Dude.  I know!

Thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for your support.  Thank you for your encouragement. 

Thank you Jesus.

I have to go get the Chemo now to make sure no biological rock is left unturned but I just HAD to tell you.  Because seriously, REMISSION!!!